Thursday, June 4, 2009

Why do I get pissed at black guys in romantic comedies?

And why am I watching a fucking romantic comedy in the first place? Because I want to get my Viking hog lodged in a lass's throat, and since I'm not going to pillage and burn my own house to the ground rape is out of the question (can't rape without pillaging) , so I have to do it the old fashioned way; pretend to like a shit, brainless, formulaic romantic comedy written by Holliwood's all powerful ROM-COM computer (a TI-86 with dot-matrix printer) that pumps them out weekly given a few simple variables. I prefer the ones where in the third act something contrived happens to make the girl not want to see the guy ever again, then we get awesome scenes of both characters going about their lives, then in the final act the guy does something completely preposterous to win the girl back, i.e. every fucking romantic comedy ever "written."

Anyway, on to the second question. If you've ever been forced to sit through a black romantic comedy you'll notice that no matter who the lead is he always spends 90% of the time he's not talking and 70% of the time he is talking licking his fucking lips and sucking on the bottom one. This is universal, no exceptions other than the %'s can be higher depending on how big the lips are. Now I understand a black dude has big lips and has to keep them moist, but in real life you don't fucking see every black guy walking around with his lips eternally glistening. I've talked to a few black guys in my time and not one of them spent the entire converstation sucking his bottom lip, and before you think something retarded like "they do it to be sexy" one of the black guys was gay as shit and definitely attracted to my granite-like chin so if there was anytime to be licking your lips in a sexy manor it was then.

I got sick of looking for pictures of black guys in movies licking their lips to illustrate my point after nearly overdosing on all the gay porn a google search for "sexy black guys" nets so you'll have to be satisfied with this half-retarded mongoloid who is either trying to kill himself by swallowing his tongue or chewing 13 pieces of Hubba Bubba at once.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I have to a) applaud you, and b) say this: "she bangs."

okay.