Enemies of the Norns: Shit-eaters at the gym

Normally I wouldn't bother posting anything about gyms or working out on the internet because 132% of internet faggots (fat gunts and gross man-tits make up the additional 32%) are so disgustingly obese or scrawny the only time they've seen a gym is watching that old clip of Arnold talking about how pumping iron is like boning a hot chick. But then I remembered that people who read this site are the only exception to that rule. Readers of my blog are Vikings-- men so fucking buff that their internal organs have six-packs and their veins have a load capacity equal to 4 garden hoses duct-taped together; men so strong they have to arm wrestle tug boats for a challenge.

So, readers, flex open your meaty eyelids and enjoy my list of the types of guys at the gym that every true warrior hates.

My Arms Are So Buff My Sleeves Exploded Guy
Why does this jigga gotta ruin a perfectly good shirt? The only acceptable reason to be wearing a sleeveless shirt is if you actually flexed the sleeves off, yet you can always see the scissor marks on this fucktard's shirt where the sleeves used to be. There seems to be a reverse correlation between how buff a guy's arms are and how much shirt he wears; if the sleeves are ripped off then there's a 90% chance he's got fat arms. Fat is lard, and lard does not require a shirt sleeve to be detonated to make room. Buy a bigger fucking shirt if your fat-lard arm doesn't fit in the sleeve. If a guy's shirt not only has the sleeves cut off but is slit from the armpit all the way down to the bottom so that he might as well be wearing a poncho then there's a 100% chance the guy is a scrawny fuckface. Either way, no buffness has ever been observed in the immediate vicinity of a sleeveless shirt unless you count the homo's buff boyfriend slamming his asshole with a little sleeveless condom on his dong.

Annoying-Face Super-Correct Posture Guy
This is the guy who walks like a fucking broom was crammed up his rectum at some point in his life and he just never bothered to take it out. His super-correct posture is also ALWAYS accompanied by a stupid fucking look on his face. You can never pinpoint exactly what it is about his face that pisses you off so much-- it's a nebulous quality that defies all attempts to label it as asshole-face, shit-eater face, etc. Instead it possesses qualities of every fucking annoying face you've ever seen. Something about a guy who decides he's going to walk around like a fucking English nanny just brings out a look that makes any true warrior's ballsack berserk all over his wiener in rage.

Misshapen Gross Body Guy
This is the guy that's pretty buff but vile to look at. Maybe his legs are too short. Maybe his belly is way too fat and he has gorilla arms. Or maybe he's just plain fucking gross and even a Sherlock Holmes who can bench 550lbs couldn't figure out exactly why. There's one guy at my gym who looks like a stumpy mexican who swallowed a keg of PBR, yet he insists on wearing tight tank-tops and shorts as if his malformed body wasn't a wretched sight and instead he should show off the results of his shallow gene-pool. Hot-tip; if you look like you belong in a video game fighting Super Mario then you shouldn't be wearing tiny tank-tops.

Regular Clothes Guy
People who wear regular clothes to the gym are either completely retarded, so new to working out they weren't aware that "workout clothes" isn't just a superfluous name for wacky pants that serve no purpose, or stumbled in there by accident and figured they should act like a cat when it falls off something and pretend they meant to. I can't even begin to fathom the guy who thinks it's a good idea to wear his bugle boys to the gym when workout pants literally cost $5 at any sporting goods store. There's few things more appalling than watching some dude in tight wranglers try to lift weights-- I say try because these tard's bodies usually have the muscle mass of Stephen Hawking's left leg.

Doing Weird Shit That Doesn't Work Guy
Probably my personal most hated gym guy because he's always hogging up the best machines doing stupid shit anybody with even the most remedial knowledge of physiology could tell you is a waste of time. If you've seen that youtube video of that dufus doing leg exercises on a rowing machine then you know what I'm talking about-- this retard is why all the machines have warning labels on them. His dual grasps of the fundamentals of body building and the fundamentals of physics are equally appalling, yet if asked why he's doing something that looks like it should be called seizure-robics he always has some bullshit pseudo-technical answer. He's also the guy who never puts on a shred of muscle despite being at the gym all the time. Some may admire his dedication to discovering the mythical workout routine that enables him to explode to Brock Lesner levels of buffness overnight, but real Vikings agree if you're not going to workout right then don't bother going to the gym at all.