Enemies of the Norns- George Carlin

I fucking hate George Carlin. He's never said a funny thing in his entire life, period, in fact the only funny thing that fucker ever did was die and that was only mildly amusing. This is a guy who's entire career was based on standing up in front of people and talking common sense like he was your fucking mom or something, yet he was adored by millions of pseudo-intellectual cancer-clits around the world because he STUCK IT TO THE MAN. You want to know a good comedian? Jerry Seinfeld. You know how I know he's a good comedian? Because he tells fucking jokes. All George Carlin ever did was repackage communal common sense into a shitty routine that only people who think they're a factor of 1 googleplex smarter than they actually are liked to pretend was funny.

I saw George Carlin on David Letterman one night. He spent three minutes on a monologue that went basically like this, "...we're over-medicated, over-stimulated, pez-dispenciated, fighting wars with arab illuminated, blah blah blah..." Three fucking minutes. If a comedian's job is to razor-focus a warrior's anger and send him into a berserk status equal to 40 bears being simultaneously stung on the helmet by a bee then yeah, he was an awesome comedian. The crowd loved it too, like they'd never heard someone rhyme a bunch of gibberish into a barely coherent monologue before. My jaw unhinged and dropped to the carpet when the crowd cheered for the retard-- I was literally paralyzed with such dense, concentrated pure rage that a small black hole opened in front of me and if it wasn't for my jaw being exactly the same width as Casper Van Dien's (i.e. too wide to fit through anything) it might have been sucked into oblivion and left me looking like Raziel.

George Carlin fans are the worst too, they get so pissed off when you don't see the "genius" in a guy who stood on stage and talked about how ridiculous religion, super-conservatives and republicans are. That's like giving someone credit for pointing out that people who let horses butt fuck them are a little weird. Seriously, one Sinbad monologue contains more unique insights than George Carlin's entire career.

Way funnier than George Carlin