Fratricide volume 1- Fratard education

A jovial fratard on a field trip to the countryside.

Fratricide

• (n.) The justified "putting to sleep" of any fratard who is in danger of hurting not only himself, but society at large by entering said society and breeding. Similar to putting a horse down when it breaks a leg, only not tragic or sad like that.
  

Fratard

• (n.) Anyone in a frat. If you're in a frat, you're a retard, i.e. you're missing an 18th chromosome or you have an extra 21st. Your choice (pro tip: pick the second one, you get superhuman strength as a bonus modifier).
  

Characteristics of fratards are the same in any state of the union-

Lifted shirt, homosexual behavior, and obviously drunk. Fratard cliches- all systems go!

• Inability to spell simple words- very similar to "16 year old girl" syndrome, only way worse because men should know better. Young girls are excused because the part of their brain that makes them not fucking retarded doesn't develop until they're at least 25.
• Fascination with the exact same hobbies as every other fratard- sports, drinking, and partying. They also exhibit an aversion to any truly viking-like hobbies, such as petting cute cats, standing under waterfalls and cutting tree trunks in half as they come over the top of the falls, and rowing longboats with the intent to pillage.
  
• Attire will always include at least 3 of the following- polo shirt, cargo shorts, flip flops, necklace, beanie with a bill, 2 or 3 of those stupid fucking "livestrong" bracelets, ear ring on the lobe like an 80s queer, and a vacant, dead gorilla-level intelligence look on their face.
• All conversations engaged in with a fratard will revolve around drinking, how drunk they got the night before, and how drunk they are going to get tonight. If cornered by a fratard and forced to engage, fire a mixed salvo of literary quotes (if you don't know any, just make some up, as long as they're not from a Star Wars book the fratard won't know the difference) and observations about how cute cats and/or chipmunks are. The fratard will become bewildered at how someone could possibly not be interested in hearing about their drunkenness, and most likely text message a bro for comfort, giving you a chance to escape. Some of the fiercer fratards have developed the ability to ignore any and all information that does not relate to them somehow, in which case you will be forced to cleave the fuckface in half with the windshield of whatever compact car is closest (nissans are easiest to remove).
  
• Fratards all engage in cowardly rape, i.e. getting a buxom lass drunk then feeding her date-rape drugs. This is because even though young women have yet to develop the common-sense faculties of a lobotomized squirrel, most of them still have enough sense to never fuck a stupid fucking retarded frat guy under normal circumstances. They realize that having sex with a frat guy is the equivalent of banging their way through a group-home for people who collect dog shit and get confused by glass doors. Real warriors only rape women after they have razed their village to the ground, and given her a Rambo knife to fight back.
• Fratards love to pose. A google image search for "frat guy" is like a Mr Universe contest for scrawny guys who want to engage in male-on-male intercourse. So much fucking posing!! Here's a hint- just because you have a six-pack doesn't mean you're buff, it means you have low body fat because of that tapeworm you got from your "bros" putting shit and puke in your mouth at 3 in the morning while you were passed out with your tiny dong in your hand and tears running down your fake-tanned cheeks.