Baffling Rap Lyrics Exposed: Shake That

Oh man, this song is more fucking ACE than Maverick in Top Gun. I love it. How can you not grab your hogimus prime and squeeze like you're trying to make a diamond when you hear Nate Dogg recite the line that perfectly sums up a warrior's life:

"Some girls they act retarded, some girls about it bout it I'm lookin for a girl that will do whatever the fuck I say everyday she be givin' it up"

That's the key to spiritual nirvana-- nay, the ultimate secret handed down by hugely-hung Chinese monks in a mythical monastery where only the most gigantic of wieners receive karate chop training equal to the force of felling a redwood tree onto a kindergarten full of visogoth kids. That such a nugget of eternal wisdom is given as a beautiful gift to our ears-- more beautiful than Dr 90210 offering to re-solder your cyborg anal-hymen back in place for free and make it so you can pretend you never got gang-raped by that herd of wild clydesdales in Montana-- is a wonder that could bring a tear to the burliest of Viking eyeballs (which is dangerous since Viking tears are concentrated testosterone so dense that they instantly impregnate whatever they touch with a tumbleweed of the blackest steel-mesh pubes).

In fact the only thing baffling about these rap lyrics is that you don't hear warriors yelling them as they run into battle. How much more badass would Braveheart have been if Mel Gibson had screamed:

"I've been to the muthafuckin mountain top
Heard muthafuckers talk seen em' drop
If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock
And when I bust your ass I'ma continue to rock"

Mountaintop expedition to verify presence of Nate Dogg is a resounding success.

...before smashing that one dude's head with a ball and chain. Nate Dogg wants to kill you so bad that he'll do it with a god damn rock if he has to. That's Viking ethics and philosophy rolled into one simple ideal that even a cowardly Roman could understand and admire right before he got his arms chopped off by a Viking with a rock. Not a sharp one either, Vikings actually grind down the edges on rocks before using them as weapons just to make cleaving fools in twain more challenging.

Rock considered "mildly stout" by Vikings-- acceptable as a weapon for fighting opponents of equal weight such as Woolly Mammoths or Nintendo fans.