Visigoths & Ostrogoths

When the great all-father Odin deigned to create his beloved Norns, he forgot entirely to create enemies for them. The legend says that halfway through the process Odin got side-tracked because he noticed his nipples were super long compared to Thor's, and he began to suspect that Thor had been secretly tying cinder blocks to his nipples during the wee hours of the night while he was passed out from HGH overdoses. Whatever the real reason, the vikings needed enemies to slaughter to prove to Freya how much like Megatron and unlike Rodimus Prime they were. So what did the Vikings do? They proceeded to kick everybody else's ass in the entire world and make their own enemies. Especially the Chinese, Vikings hated the Chinese so much and gave them so many naval wedgies that China burned all records of their glorious fleet's 7 voyages and out of shame secluded themselves from the West for the next 500 years.

Visigoth foot soldier unaware that real bats aren't made of rubber, seconds before his "Repulse Jocks" spell fails and he's critically maimed by a 5 year old crippled girl fresh from tee-ball practice.

Soon after, the Vikings discovered their preferred enemy- the Visogoth. These abhorrently gross-smelling, unsightly creatures come in two templates; disgustingly fat and equally disgustingly scrawny. Both versions are always covered with worthless trinkets, making them look like someone spray painted a Christmas tree black then decorated it with jewelery they found in the pay-by-the-pound bin at Goodwill. They are obviously no threat physically, but their mastery of sorcery can provide a challenge to any warrior seeking to serve his 150 hours of community service by exterminating their wretched clans.

The main tactic of a Visigoth priest is to cast a "clone shit eater" spell so he/she looks and smells exactly like every other dipshit Visigoth in the world, then utter something about "the norms" or "conformists" which is a secret spell that will make a lesser Viking's head explode with rage. Many a slow-witted Viking has perished trying to wrap his head around a Visigoth's choas-logic spell, only the stoutest of the hearty know that these fucktards are so stupid you could force feed LSD to a toddler and it would have a better grasp of reality.

The Ostrogoths are a much rarer sight, and comprise the upper ruling elite. They are more formidable not because of any increase in mental faculties, but because they have normal non-mutant bodies and can theoretically pass as a regular citizen of Rome or Persia.

There is a terrifying story told round the camp fire of a Viking in the midst of good thorough raping; suddenly his nostrils fill with the stench of shit and incense, and his dong becomes encrusted with dragon crystals, dirt, and cheap plastic bracelets. He tries to grab his battle axe, but it's stuck in the hands of a 1/3 scale model of The Crow... it's too late for him, he screams as he's swallowed in a whirlwind of dandruff and psoriasis flakes, disappearing into a a poop smelling trench coat covered in aluminum spikes that were obviously hot-glued on. He was a victim of a foul-smelling Ostrogoth's treacherous sorcery!

Know thy enemy, fellow warriors!