Shirt lifters

The dipshit has 3 of those fucking stupid hats.

Caution- this rant will give you a thick, full boner so pregnant with blood that I advise you to rub some coconut oil on it so you don't get boner stretch marks.

I fucking hate guys who lift up their shirts when someone takes a picture of them. Real buff warriors don't need to lift up their fucking shirts every time a camera comes out. Have you ever seen a painting of a Viking with his bloody jerkin lifted up? No, because they were god-damned fortresses of anti-faggotry.

I think it's an involuntary, instinctual response brought on by Axe-body-spray-damaged chromosomes stemming from DNA mutated by close proximity to polo shirts. Seriously, fuck polo shirts. Wearing a polo shirt is like saying, "Hey, I'm a sandwich baggy full of vaginal discharge!" I hate polo shirts so much that I want to graft some legs on a shark, train it to hate polo shirts as much I do, then let it sit on a bench and watch while I beat the shit out of people who wear them.

Anyway, shirt-lifters are known to have modified strain of down's syndrome, which instead of giving them super-human strength and fucked up faces, gives them super-human senses of self-worth and fucked up, massively retarded levels of insecurity. Also they have tiny hogs.

I can hear some of you scrawny freedom-haters saying, "hey but you're just jealous!" This is the first line of defense of someone who failed special ed and had to retake Sharp Objects 101. Let me say this plainly- I love buff dudes. Hell I spend so much time watching weight lifting videos and looking at paintings of Conan that sometimes my veinious hangious gets so confused it tries to hang itself with my scrotum. Buffness is fucking awesome. What's not awesome is mildly buff guys who believe themselves to be Magnus Ver Magnussen showing off their semen-filled stomachs any chance they get.